A little food humour after a night out...

I took Fiona out for dinner last night. It's not something we do that often and we really enjoyed ourselves. Time to talk and laugh, and of course there's all that gazing into each other's eyes. Yes, we're in love. Then as the waiter brought us our complimentary bread, Fiona and I both remembered some lines that we'd heard from a funny-man named Jim Gaffigan to do with restaurants and food. Here are a couple samples from him...

"I enjoy bread, but when I go out to dinner, suddenly I crave bread. 'Bread! They got bread here? We should have bread at home. We've gotta get the recipe for bread.' You ever go to a restaurant and eat the whole basket of bread? And you still want more? It's kind of awkward asking the waiter for seconds on bread. 'Yeah, can we have some more of that free bread? And you can cancel my entree; I'm just gonna load up on the bread.'"

"I'm moving a little slow tonight. I had a Hot Pocket for dinner. I buy those things, but I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and been like, 'I'm glad I ate that.' I'm always like, 'I'm gonna die! I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my face? My back hurts!' I was looking at a box of Hot Pockets; they have a warning printed on the side. It's like, 'Warning: You just bought Hot Pockets! Hope you're drunk or heading home to a trailer, you hillbilly. Enjoy the next NASCAR event.' You never really see them on the menu when you go out to dinner, you know. 'Um yeah, I'll have the Caesar salad and a Hot Pocket.' There's also the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those who don't want to eat meat but still want diarrhea."

© 2010 by Ken Peters